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How to find your truth (and not scare it away like I did)

October 26, 2016

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“If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.” C. S. Lewis

 

I was born to live in a different world to the one in which I found myself, or that’s how it felt.

Somewhere along the way I had been transplanted into the grey-to-me world of function. A relentless world that was filled with the mundane and meaningless.

It was a world where toughness, achievement, conforming and image reigned.

It was filled with pretenses, broken promises and clocks ticking fast.

Filled with noise and busyness and competitive talk of bigger and better.

Filled with shallowness, breathlessness and emptiness.

I lived in that world, although I don’t know how.

Somehow if you bury yourself with enough of what doesn’t belong to you and make your footsteps and breath so fast and so loud, you can scare your truth away.

Because who wants to hear the pain, confusion and emptiness that a surface level life creates?

So we keep going don’t we? We stop ourselves from hearing anything real. We miss the quiet corners, the pockets of peace, the opportunities for depth and meaningful connection.

But when we’re planted in the right environment for our unique selves, we can thrive. Like really thrive. We can come to life and feel deeply satisfied.

And an environment is so much more than just the physical, although that’s so very important. There’s the social world, the working world, the emotional world and the spiritual world. Each adding up to create the world we live in every day.

For too long my body had been living in a world it clearly wasn’t designed for. It told me in no uncertain terms and shut down with chronic fatigue.

I have written about it here, it’s a gift I’m truly grateful for but was so utterly horrified about at the time.

Despite so much of my world fitting me, so much did not. I needed to make change but I didn’t know what or how.

I, like many, was craving silence, unhurried breaths and nourishment.

I was craving meaning and purpose, deeply satisfying connection and simple pleasures.

I was craving to be set free, to be heard, to be myself.

With the compulsory space forced upon me, I finally had the permission I needed to get to know the real me. As it turned out, this was the first step of the journey from which everything else could flow.

My journey to really getting to know my true self involved amongst others a coach and psychotherapist, a huge amount of journaling, the love and unrelenting support of my husband and son, reading, mother nature, more space than I ever imagined possible and getting so used to saying no that I became surprisingly good at it. A long list and yet, bit by bit, each helped me to piece myself together. To get to feel utterly proud of who I was and enabling me to choose to be my own friend.

This new relationship with my true self changed so much and guided me towards the world in which the real me felt at home. The world I knew so intimately as a child but had turned my back on for so long.

Changes started small and then they got bigger and bolder as my confidence grew and my sense of purpose got crystal clear and fuelled me forward.

I’m so deeply grateful to myself for having the courage for making change.

But the changes never stop. Despite how well we know ourself, we’re always presented with decisions, unexpected twists and turns and challenges.

Amongst this time of great change and ever since, one question has helped me when making decisions:

Does it bring me closer or further away from my true self?

Never has this failed me to make a decision that feels right for me. Of course, that doesn’t mean following through on the decision has always been easy, but it has always been a decision I’ve made for the real me. And surely that’s the only person we can make a decision for?

 

 

 

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